March 2020: A Personal Reflection

The month of March was definitely a strange one for me, I never could have thought that all the drama that happened in the beginning of the month would only become more insane with the revelation that there was some pandemic that would alter life for the time being. No, I was just reeling from a death in the family and I thought that was going to be the end of it. It took a week for me to process that whole thing, which consisted of a lot of thinking, a lot of processing and overcome that depression. It was then a week after I found out about my Grandfather’s death, I was actually in the same room where I found out when the news broke out.

All my classmates were grouped up together in front of the instructor, I had my headphones on and was very confused. As I came up and asked what happened, one of my classmates teased me and told me I was the last to know everything. I pulled up my phone email and saw that email from Mary Pappazian, the one that said classes were going to be closed until after spring break in which everything will be determined by that time. All the jokes you could think of were going around, that we were on an extended spring break, that professors had no clue how to operate zoom and of course, just how cheap flights were now.

Now thinking back those jokes represented a simpler time, like it represented some sort of hope that everything wouldn’t progress the way it did. Of course, somewhere along the way the reality started to seep in more, the whole realization that this wasn’t a joke- that people of all ages were dying and this was going to be one of those moments that was going to go down in history. Of course you can never tell anybody to not be funny and jokes are aplenty on social media. I think that and the news was what drove me so insane in the beginning.

All I know is that when all of this is over, I’m going to take the good with the bad and just make that great leap forward.

It’s the little things that help you realize that not all is lost. Maybe it’s the knowledge nobody you know in your day to day life (especially none of your family members) have contracted coronavirus. Maybe it’s the way you’re not in this alone, that everyone is dealing with these unique circumstances in their own type of way. This isn’t the end of the world, these are the moments where we all have hope for a better tomorrow. Every time that somebody goes on social media and makes somebody laugh or be a little more attentive or be a better person, it’s proof that even in the darkest of times the human spirit remains triumphant.

I am a routine-type guy, so when there’s a disruption in a certain routine that I have set for myself, I kind of lose it. I don’t mean I go crazy, it’s more like I go through an asshole phase for lack of a better word, and then I obsessively try to develop and adjust to a routine that I can realistically follow. In the meantime, I keep to myself, stay on my phone all the time and anxiously try to figure out what type of routine I can follow. So the coronavirus pandemic and the lockdown that followed was what you could call problematic to put it lightly. In situations like this, I feel like a lot of people really need to try to put themselves in other shoes, especially students who have spent years on end measuring themselves on an academic and personal level. From day one, I’ve been guilty of this and it’s not a good feeling.

Going on social media makes me realize that the complaints are everywhere and being at home makes me realize how personal this is as people I’m the closest to found themselves filing for unemployment. I would have also been filing for unemployment if it wasn’t for an email that I received from the head of the Student Union. It indicated that all workers under the student union would be paid based on the weekly average number of hours they worked from February to March until May 31st. This meant that I would be reasonably compensated every week, something that showed more care than many employers are giving to their employees following this whole shutdown.

It wasn’t until I began hearing back from jobs that I applied to that I started feeling happy about myself. I was finally going to keep myself busy, I would hopefully not need to worry about finances, this is my biggest worry since I have every intention of finding an affordable apartment after my graduation and by that point, relying on my parents to pay for rent will no longer be a thing. My parents have emphasized over and over again that once I graduate from college, I’m off the payroll. Not necessarily that my parents were planning on kicking me out, it was more about me having to pay for my own things including my phone bill and things like that.

Of course my parents gave me the option to head back home for a little while to save up on money. Yes I still consider that option, but going through all the experiences I went through in college gave me a sense of independence and a desire to stay in San Jose so I am for the most part conflicted on the matter of going back home. I never wanted to be in a position where I couldn’t have the option of staying in San Jose, but after playing for my last set of social dues for my living arrangement, I wasn’t in a position for doing that.

The first week kept me very much on edge with little to no relief, all of it stemming from me believing that I was unemployed, wasn’t going to find a job and that I had contracted coronavirus. Not necessarily because I was or am displaying symptoms but because there was a point where one of my classmates came into contact with me during a workshop before learning he came into contact with family members who were carrying the virus. It took the reassurance of a doctor from Kaiser and that classmate that he was in fact not infected. This was a huge relief that eased my worries.

It’s kind of funny thinking back, because I remember during the first week almost imagining that everything was going to turn into an apocalyptic scenario. It wasn’t necessarily me imagining the worst but just me thinking in the back of the head that this felt very similar to all those end of the world movies that I’d watched over the years. In a moment of hilarity thinking back, I read about 200 pages of Stephen King’s ‘The Stand’ just always thinking that would be insane if the world went that way if the virus got worse. As of right now, the infection rate is closing in around two million people and there are whispers here and there, but mostly contradicting notions of where we are.

Spring Break came and went, still hearing no word from my employers and just taking everything day by day, finding peace in some of the quality time I spent with family and doing the assignments my editors from the Spartan Daily sent my way. Spring Break was also the moment where I really felt like I could accept things for the time being, I had a job lined up at Whole Foods, my family was being supportive and I felt more than confident that I could end my semester on a really high note and, despite the way the job market was slammed, I felt confident that I could be fine despite an ever-changing world around me. There are always downsides, for me in this situation it was about seeing those constant news reports, but it taught me how to start filtering things out and keep moving forward.

On the first weekend of April, I heard back from Whole Foods, so I packed up most of my clothes and moved back up to San Jose. My first day at Whole Foods felt like a breath of relief, knowing that I was making money and taking the first steps of restructuring the life that I wanted, but with a greater incentive to be an adult. These were still uncertain times we were living in and I never forgot that, but it also gave me time to think and really comb over my past and understand who I’ve been and take the steps towards who I want to be. I think this is the part that not too many people talk about. In the midst of all this silence and lack of company, we’re really forced to take a look at ourselves.

So if Coronavirus was a person, I would politely tell him, ‘screw you for postponing my graduation ceremony, but thank-you for helping us to understand one another a little more and giving us that strive to be a little better.’